Nothing Gold Can Stay
by spunkransom12
Summary: Edward and Bella have been friends since birth. He lives next to her grandmother's house. They even share the same birthday. Things seem to be going pretty great but as we all know Nothing Gold Can Stay. Rated M for dark themes, cursing, and maybe just maybe future lemons. All rights go to Stephanie Meyer.
1. Chapter 1

**1998**

I sat at a table coloring. It was a picture of me and my bestest friend Bella. When people asked me why she was my bestest I always told them because we have the same birthday, and her grandma lives next door to my house, and she's very good at reading, and she likes to listen to me play music. Those were the bestest things about her.

"Good morning Bella," our teacher Miss Maggie said causing me to look up. I couldn't help but get excited to see her. But Bella looked sad. She gave a small smile to our teacher. When she is really happy she gives a great big smile. I then look to see it isn't her Nan or even her mommy dropping her off. It is a stranger. Another weird lady that wears lots of make-up and that smelly stuff, I can smell her from here. Our teacher looks at her a little funny like she always does when a stranger drops Bella off. But Miss Maggie is so nice even she says hello. The stranger lady gives Bella a hug but Bella doesn't hug back. And then she leaves. Bella puts her bag in her cubby and comes over to me.

"Who was that?" I ask as she grabs a piece of paper and some cray-ons. Bella taught me it's not crowns but Cray-ons, like Cray and then on. She's smart like that.

"I don't know." She shrugs and starts to color. I think she is "dropping the subject" that's what my mommy says at least.

At lunch when we pull out our food Bella sits with nothing. "Bella where's your lunch?" I ask.

"Renee forgot to pack it." She tells me. She calls her mom by her name. Not to grown ups though then she calls her mother or my mother but to me she just says Renee. I asked why once and she said because that's who she is. I still don't a thousand percent sure get it. She asked me to not tell Miss Maggie. I don't and split half my lunch with her, cuz that's what best friends do. Still Miss Maggie notices. And when Bella's Nan comes that day Miss Maggie and her have a long talk.

 **2002**

It's early fall. September 13th. Bella and I are turning 8 years old. We are in 2nd grade and will be the 2 oldest in our class. My mom and her Nan are inside getting our party ready. We are supposed to be inside to staying clean before the guest arrive but we are up in the lemon tree. It's hot. Arizona is always hot but today is super hot. I take the pocket knife my older brother Emmett gave me as my secret brother gift to cut a lemon in half for Bella and I. Sometimes I will admit it's good to have a 14 year old brother.

"I can't believe he gave you a knife." Bella spoke sucking on her lemon.

I shrug. "It was his old boy scout knife."

"It is pretty cool and now no more trying to cut lemons with plastic butter knives." She smiles showing off her two missing front teeth. "Though you have to be careful, promise?"

"I won't hurt myself with it," I tell her. She gives me a look. I sigh before promising her back. "Now are you going to read to me or not?" She smiles down at her copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. We are almost done. She would have already been done if it weren't for the fact she's reading it to me. She's a genius when it comes to books and writing. Her Nan has to make sure they are appropriate for her because she will read anything she can get her hands on. I on the other hand am terrible with reading and writing. The letters get all mixed up and it makes it hard. My parents tell me it's called dyslexia. So Bella reads to me. She is hoping to get the next Harry Potter book for her birthday. She's going to have such a surprise to find that she is getting the next 3 books for her birthday. I saved up my money for the 2nd one while her Nan got her book 3 and my parent's got her book 4 along with some other things.

I wasn't sure how long we were up in the lemon tree. I let Bella's calm voice take me into the story, but as she closed the book that she had now just finished, I noticed Emmett coming outside. "Hey you two better get down from the tree the party is about to start."

"Be right over," I called back. Emmett nodded before going back into our house. I pocketed my knife and jumped down from my perch before reaching back up to grab the book so Bella could get down. Right when we were about to leave I got an idea. I grabbed out my knife and began carving into the tree at eye level.

" What are you doing, Edward." Bella hissed at me while looking around worried we would get caught. I ignored her and kept carving. After a moment I moved back to take a look at my handy work. In the tree now etched in my shaky handwriting was, "Bella + Edward." I smiled over at Bella to find her head tilted slightly and a little wrinkle on her nose. "Isn't that what people in love do?"

I felt my face go red and my eyes go wide. I didn't mean it like that. I mean Bella was my best friend and love was for older people. Then Bella starts laughing. "I'm only kidding. You have to put a heart around it if you want it to mean love. The look on your face." And with me still looking baffled she ran inside.

 **2006**

I sat at the piano practicing. We had always had the baby grand in our sitting room and much to my mothers joy and dismay I was the only child of hers that took interest in it. By the time I was 9 I had mastered the basic songs a normal kid learns. And to a lot of people's amazement at the age of 12 I was now starting to play around with harder pieces. I had even started to secretly write my own stuff. Right now it was only Bella and I home. She sat in the piano room with me doing her homework while I worked on a song I was writing for my mom. My mom was at my 11 year old sister, Alice's, dance practice while my dad was still at the hospital working. Emmett being a Sr in high school and 18 was out with his friends doing god only knows what. My mom and Bella's Nan thought we were responsible enough to spend an hour alone after school. And we were. So this was the perfect time for me to do my secret music writing.

" Why don't you just let people hear your own pieces?" Bella asked me looking up from her history study guide.

I paused in my music and wrote some notes down on the sheet music, before turning around on the bench to face her. "I guess I don't want people to make a big deal about it." I shrugged.

"Why not?" She pressed on. " After all it kinda is a big deal Edward. What other 12 year olds are writing their own music on the piano."

I just shrug. I couldn't explain it exactly not even to myself. Maybe I was so used to being the middle child for so long stuck between two overly talented siblings. Alice had been dancing since she was 2 and was competing locally and winning, while Emmett played every sport ever made. "I guess I just enjoy it being my thing." I tell her.

"But you let me listen."

"You're different."

"How so?" She now has that look on her face I know too well, the one that wants answers.

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair, a habit I had fallen into. It gives my already awkward red hair a look of constant messiness. "Because Bella you are my best friend and you won't look at me or treat me any different. I will always just be Edward to you."

"Of course you're Edward to me." She comes over and sits on the bench next to me. "Fine it stays secret and no big deal. But one day Edward you are going to be a big deal."

"What do you mean?"

"With talent like that you're going to do something big that makes you more than just Edward. You have talent. Promise me you will share that talent with the world" I have never been able to completely get use to Bella's bluntness. It leaves me speechless sometimes. She just says things so sure and so set in stone. My mom says she's an old soul and she just sees people for who the really are.

"You act like I'm going to leave you behind one day." I look at her and see the sadness I have grown used to in her eyes again. I know my best friend doesn't have the best home life. Her Nan is amazing but her mom not so much. She tried to spend as much time at her Nan's or my house as possible. For the most part her mom doesn't care but every few months her mom tries to be "a mom" and forces Bella to stay in their little apartment on the other side of town. But after a few weeks it falls apart again and she's back at Nan's. I noticed she has been putting on some make-up right on her cheek bone ever since she came back from the two weeks with staying with her mom. I didn't say anything though.

She shrugs."Maybe one day you will." As the words escape her mouth my stomach fills with dread and nausea. I don't like when she talks like this.

"You're my best and only friend Bella where would I go. Anyway who would read to me? I know you want to get rid of me Swan but you're not doing it that easy." With that she laughs causing my heart to skip a beat just a little. It's moments like that I live for. To be able to make her smile. She gives me a hug before finding her spot back with her homework and allowing me to go back to playing the piano.

 **So there ya'll have it Chapter One. Hope ya'll enjoy it and thank you for reading! I'm always happy to hear from ya'll and if comments are made I will try my best to respond to them all. I wanna thank my friend/editor Arcade Android for reading and helping my dyslexic ass from putting up a story filled with run-on's and spelling errors. Love ya boo!**

 **Write on,**

 **Spunkransom12**


	2. Chapter 2

**2008**

8th Grade started and it's weird. I feel awkward in my own skin. I look in the mirror. I'm too tall, I grew five inches this summer, now I'm 5'10 and tower over pretty much everyone. Emmett says I should try out for basketball but I'll stick to the music room. I'm also pretty sure I'm too thin. I'm like the scarecrow in Wizard of Oz and I keep tripping over myself. School started before Bella and my birthday this year. We decided to keep it low key this year especially because it's on a school night. Also we both decided it won't be the same since Emmett is already back at college and as annoying as my brother can be he really is the life of the party. I sit down at lunch next to Bella. Her lunch is being ignored over a book. The Outsiders, which she read for summer reading and is already re-reading. She made birthday shopping for her easy this year though. A dvd of the Outsiders movie and a Robert Frost poetry book since she fell in love with his poem that is placed in the novel.

She looks at peace while she reads; though I can note the touch of sadness that seems to grace her face more then I would like to see. It's something I always try to keep away. She is not only my best friend but recently I have to admit I have been feeling something more. We did go out on the last night before summer break ended. My mom called it a date causing Bella to blush and me to run my hand through my hair. We went alone to the end of summer carnival. But I can't say I'm sure if it was a date or where that left us. Not that anything super romantic happened, though she did kiss my cheek in the photo booth which had never happened before. And we both have photo proof of it.

I sit down next to her which causes her to look up at me. "Hey Edward how was math?" I roll my eyes. Although I'm half good at math she knows I find it boring.

"How many times have you read that book?" I question even though I knew the answer.

"Counting when I read it too you?" She smiled. Even though I really should have read my own summer reading books and Bella even lectured me about it she still read it to me. "This will be my third time." I remember the hot night we sat in the lemon tree and she read me Johnny's death and began to cry. I was glad the only light we had was of her head light flashlight because I even had some tears escaping down my cheeks.

"How do you re-read the same book over and over?"

"How do you play the same songs over and over?"

"Touche."

"Sooo….I wanted to ask you something?" She nervously puts the book down and picks at her nails.

"What Bella?"

"Well I wanted to invite you to dinner at Nan's tonight."

I let a chuckle escape from my lips. Why would she be seem so nervous about that question. I have only had dinner with them half a million times. Though when she glances up to me her eyes look worried and I realized there is more too it. "What's wrong."

"Well Renee is having a guy come over to meet Nan and I. She said she "wants to make this work" whatever that means. I kinda would like to have you there for support. I already asked Nan and she said she is okay with it. So will you?"

I smile, "Of course."

We were sitting in Bella's Nan's living room laughing at an episode of the Simpson's when Renee came into the house with a man. "Mom, Bella," Renee called as she entered the living room. " Oh hello Edward I didn't expect you here."

"Hello Ms. Higgenbotham," I forced a smile. I didn't have much respect for Bella's mom growing up and as we got older and I saw the hurt she caused Bella I had less and less. Though I was raised to be polite so I was. "I was invited to join you guy for dinner tonight." She gave a slightly annoyed nod, but like me, forced a smile. Just then Bella's Nan came in.

"Mom, Bella I would like to introduce you to my boyfriend Phil Dewyer. Phil this is my Mother Marie, my daughter Isabella, and her little friend Edward." I took a look at Phil, he wasn't an overly tall man. Actually I stood a few inches taller then him being 5'10. Despite not being overly tall he had some muscle to him. He had dark hair slicked back and cold blue eyes. He shook Nan's hand and then mine before coming to Bella. As his hand lingered on her's I sensed she was uncomfortable and honestly how he looked at her I couldn't blame her. I wanted to put myself between him and her to keep even his eyes from touching her.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. We learned Phil was a minor league baseball player which would have been cool if he wasn't such a slimeball. I hated how nervous he made Bella and at one point I slipped my hand into her's under the table to provide some comfort. She smiled a small grateful smile with blush tinting her cheeks.

When dinner and dessert was over we all began to go our separate ways. Phil as it turned out took his own car so Renee could stay over for a while longer before meeting up with him later. While Nan and Renee went to the kitchen to clean, that left Bella and I by the front door. I had my bookbag and was ready to go but we lingered there in the entryway.

"Thank you for coming tonight Edward," Bella smiled. "For real I have no clue how it would have been if you weren't here."

"That's what I'm here for," I smiled back. "Are you staying at Nan's tonight." She nods. "Good I'll keep my walkie on then so just radio over if you need anything, Swan."

"Same goes for you for you Cullen," she giggles. "From the looks of it you still have some work to do on your summer reading book report."

Her sassy tone causes me to respond with a laugh as well. "Well have a good night Bella."

"You too." And with that I left and walked next door.

"So how was it?" My mom questioned as I found her with Alice in the kitchen. Dad was working the late shift at the hospital tonight. I shrugged causing her to raise her eyebrow wanting more of an explanation then that.

"His name is Phil and he's a minor league baseball player."

"Cool," Alice smiled. "What was he like?" My sister was a hopeless romantic. Always hoping people would find their one true love. She loves sappy love stories and movies. Sometimes she steals Bella so they can cry over The Titanic or The Notebook. I worry what those two plot sometimes. Alice is constantly telling me I need to marry Bella one day because she would make the best sister in law ever.

"He was I don't know kinda weird." I mutter it. I'm worried that I may get in trouble for being rude or something.

"How so?" My mother questions not at all angry with my less than kind words.

"He just felt off. I can't really explain it." And I couldn't exactly.

My mother sighed. "I will say, and don't you kids repeat this, but I will say Renee has never had a good taste in men." My mother had known Renee and Nan for a long time. They had been neighbors ever since my parents about the house. Due to this my mom knew Renee when she was only a teenager.

"What about Bella's dad," Alice asked. Now that was a subject I rarely touched with Bella. She only knew his last name was Swan since she too had that last name. It was safe to assume he had or has brown hair and brown eyes since Bella has those features as well but other then that she knew nothing. Renee would never talk about him.

"I never met him," my mom said. We all talked a little while longer before I went and took a shower and retreated to my room.

I made sure to turn my Walkie on before I started on my book report. Thank god for microsoft word and spell check because if I had to hand write this well I'm not sure it would even resemble a book report on The Outsiders. Still I knew I would still need Bella to proofread it before it was handed in. Ah the joys of dyslexia. Finally after an hour of working on it I lost focus and crawled into bed. I stared up at my ceiling that held glow in the dark stars on it which Bella and I had hung together a few years back. It took the both of us to move my dresser around the room so we were able to reach high enough to reach the ceiling. My mom was pissed when she found out how we did it but my dad took one look and stated he was impressed since we actually hung them forming real constellations.

Just as I was about to drift off I heard the static of my Walkie click on. "Edward…" her voice was a whisper. Clearly she was trying not to get caught. "Cullen, do you copy, over."

I fumbled in the dark to get a hold of the Walkie but managed to press the little button. "I copy loud and clear Swan, over." I always joked and made her talk with me on them with proper walkie talkie etiquette. There was a pause. One so long that I began to worry. "Bella.." I whispered back forgetting to properly talk on the walkie.

"Can I come over?" Her voice sounded so broken that I bolted up out of bed and made my way to the window. I opened it up to find her already out of her own. I had to admit in moments like these I was glad we both lived in one floor homes. She slowly closed her window and made her way across her side yard towards me. When she got to the lemon tree half way her hand found its place over our names in the bark before she continued over. The moonlight glowed against her causing her pale skin to look pure white in contrast to her long brown hair looking so dark. Even in her silly spongebob pj shorts and matching tank top she looked beautiful. I helped her through my window before shutting it behind her.

I turned to find myself shocked by the state of my best friend. Her big brown eyes that were normally so warm were watery with tears, some of which had already escaped down her cheeks. Her cheeks red not from her signature blush but from her obvious crying as well. Her lip was captured between her teeth and her chin quivered slightly. I had seen her sad before, I had seen her cry before, but I had never seen Bella Swan in this state of clear destress before.

"Bella?" I questioned a little worried that a sudden movement could send her over the edge. She said nothing but instead flung herself into my arms. Even though at 5'2 she was clearly shorter than me she still managed to take me by surprise and cause me to fall into my bed. Thankfully the noise wasn't loud enough to alert anyone in my family that I had a visitor in my room.

I held her as she silently cried into my t shirt for a while. I eventually moved us so we were both laying on my bed. Finally her body stopped shaking and she brought her gaze up to my face. I gently wiped tears off her cheeks. "Bella talk to me," I murmur.

"They are fighting."

"Your Nan and Renee?" She nods. "About what?"

"I don't know they went down in the basement. I only know that are fighting because every now and then their voices carry but nothing I can really make out. I can only assume it's about me and or Phil." She explains. "Edward...I'm scared. Something is going to happen. I don't know what but I can feel it."

"What would happen? They've fought before and nothing has happened. It will be fine." I pull her closer to me as I say this hoping, praying I am right.

"What if it's not?"

I lean my head towards her's so our foreheads are touching. It's weird in the best way possible and for a moment the only thing on my mind is how close her lips are to mine. "If I'm wrong we will get through it together, like we always do."

"What if you aren't there to get me through this?" Her voice is barely a whisper. I see the fear in her eyes and I hope that emotion doesn't mirror in mine as well. I need to be brave for her despite her worries scaring me as well.

"Where else would I be? You're my best and only friend, Swan, you can't get rid of me that easy." With my words a small smile forms on her lips and she closes the space between us. I feel weightless kissing Bella. Her lips are warm and soft, like how I had recently been imagining them like. We break away panting a little and just stare in each other's eyes.

"Hold me Edward," she whispers and my only response is to nod.

I wake in the morning to find she is gone. For a moment I feel panic but I realize she must have snuck off in the middle of the night at some point so we wouldn't get caught. Still part of me wishes I would have woken up with her still in my bed. I get dressed in a fog and eat breakfast in a fog as well. I replay the night over and over again. Sure it wasn't the first time we snuck into each other's rooms at night but in the past we did it to continue a board game or to read comics or maybe even the occasional taking through a nightmare. We had never laid in my bed or kissed or even fallen asleep.

Mom drives Alice and I to school. Alice keeps looking at me funny like I have something in my teeth or maybe it's just the stupid look I clearly have on my face or maybe she knows. My sister seemed to have a strange way of knowing things. But soon enough we part ways to go to our classes so I push it aside.

First block english I share with Bella. I wait and wait. I did get here early but after a while I start to worry she never cuts it so close to the bell. Then the bell rings, the teacher comes in, and class starts. She never enters the room.

The whole day goes like this; me waiting for Bella to appear but she never does. By the end of the day as Alice and I wait for our mom I'm so on edge it's obvious. "What's your problem," Alice questions.

"Bella wasn't in school today." I mutter as my hand finds its place in my hair.

"So," Alice raises an eyebrow. "Maybe she's sick...maybe it's her time of the month." I cringe at the thought of it being Bella's "time of the month". Like many of our firsts I was there on her first period. When she let out a scream in my bathroom. As it turns out no one had told her about periods yet. Thankfully Emmett was home with us and found our mom's pads. Other than that and him telling her it's a natural thing I was the one who helped her try to figure out how pads worked before letting her do her business. My mom found a whole bunch of wasted pads that day.

I nod in agreement for Alice's sake but I know in my gut something is wrong. Bella knew it last night and now it seems soon it will be public knowledge. When mom pulls up and we get in the car I know something is seriously wrong. She asks us like normal about our day but her heart isn't really in it. When I say Bella wasn't at school a little sob escapes her mouth. Alice glances over to me wide eyed and my stomach drops.

Things only got worse when we walked into our house to find my dad home from work early and Bella's Nan sitting on the sofa with him. My mom went over and sat next to Nan. "What's going on?" Alice questioned taking the words from my mouth.

"We need to talk to you both about Bella," my father starts. "Her mom took her…."

"What do you mean took her?" I interrupt. The words come out of my mouth shaky and a little too loud. "She can't just take her. Why aren't we calling the cops?"

"Edward," My mother speaks trying to sound soothing but I can tell she too is clearly upset. "She's with her mother. They moved. There is nothing for us to tell the cops."

"Bella knew this was going to happen." I feel dizzy. My knees feel weak. My brain feels funny. And there is a ringing that has started in my ears but I continue to talk. "She was scared and she was crying. She said you and Renee were fighting." I look to Nan and she gives me a tear filled nod. "Why didn't you let her stay. She's suppose to stay here with us...with me. Our birthday's are tomorrow. We need to get her back. She...I…" I feel my body fall. I hear Alice let out a cry. I hear my mom tell my dad to catch me. I feel my dad's hands just manage to keep me from feeling any physical pain. The ringing in my ears now sounds like a waterfall. It's almost deafening. I'm in a ball my hands over my ears. I only manage to catch bits of conversation.

"Carlisle what's wrong with him," my mom sobs.

"It's a panic attack," my father replies sounding more like a doctor.

"Will he be okay," Alice whispers.

"Come on dear let's give him some space and make some tea," Nan's voice is the last I hear before the world goes dark.

The next day I stay in bed. I've never had a birthday without Bella. Nor would I start now. Emmett called me for a little while between his classes. Mom had filled him in about Bella. He was clearly upset, Bella was like a 2nd little sister to him. Still he tried to cheer me up but his heart wasn't completely into it and neither was mine.

My mom tried to get me to come down stairs but I refused. I did eat a little toast to make her happy though. The only times I left my bed was to use the bathroom. Other than that I lay on my bed staring at the stars on my ceiling. At one point I rolled over to find something poking my hip. I flung up my covers to find a little silver earring shaped like a book. I know the earring all too well since one it is the only pair Bella ever wears and two I had been the one to give them to her last Christmas. It must have fallen out of her ear the other night. As I held the piece of evidence tying her to my room, and remembered that two nights ago wasn't a dream, I began to cry.

Later that night my mom tried to get me to open my gifts. I refused. If Bella wasn't right beside me opening her's mine too would go untouched. I was standing pretty firm on the issue until she admitted one was a phone and I needed to open that one since her and my father were paying for the phone plan. So I caved much to my utter dismay. The other gifts though sat next to my two gifts for Bella untouched on my desk.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I wanted to do this before the chapter instead of the end for a few reasons. One being since I had that code issue last chapter I totally forgot to re-add in my end of chapter authors note. Two and this is** **IMPORTANT** **this chapter is dark. There is going to be talk of depression and the act self harm. Although I don't want to spoil stuff I also wanted to give people a fair warning. *Trigger Warning***

 **2011**

The rest of 8th grade and all of 9th was hell. I realized that when I used to tell Bella "You are my best and only friend" I hadn't been lying. She had truly been my only friend and it took her leaving for me to notice. It hadn't been as though I was unliked and sure I would talk to people in class but when I walked into school the following week after Bella left I realized how alone I truly was. I fell into a depression and my grades went from solid B's to dragging in the low C's. In every aspect of my life I was barely getting by. Just surviving enough to not cause worry from my parents.

Then 10th grade came and I moved up to the high school. I'm not saying it was better but having a whole new group of people joining my class from middle school was different. People who never knew me and didn't know me as the weird loner now were in my classes. I also grew into my looks a bit.. Sure was taller now at 6'1 but I was less knobbly. I filled out more giving me more of a runner's build then a large red haired bird. I got into a group of friends who didn't care I never talked about my past and they in turn got me into the party scene.

"Hey Edward you coming to Mike's tonight," My friend James asked me as we loitered at a 7/11. I shrug. I really wasn't feeling a party at the moment. I dreamt of her last night and after those dreams wore off and I came back to reality I was always in a pretty shitty mood. "Come on one last party before x-mas break is up. After all it is New Year's Eve."

"Fine," I mutter liking the idea of getting drunk. Numbing my senses and maybe even getting laid. Hopefully that would get my mind off that stupid dream. Though I felt some guilt since I was suppose to hang with Emmett who was home for the holiday's and Alice. Our parents were going to some New Year's party for the hospital and were spending the night at a hotel. I knew my siblings would be disappointed but they would get over it.

Getting out of the house had been easy. My ride came and I explained to Emmett and Alice that I was hanging with some friends. Alice whined, Emmett was ticked off but he let me go. I only hoped he wouldn't rat me out. I was already in some shit with my parents at the moment.

When we got to Mike's house the party was already in full swing. Mike nodded to me with a beer in one hand and his arm flung around his girlfriend, Jessica's, shoulder. James and I made our way into the kitchen I mixed myself a rum and coke heavy on the rum. Then we made our way back into the living room where the music was loud, the air was thick with body heat and weed smoke, and the girls were hot.

Now normally a party is just what I needed to get my mood up but tonight there was no helping me. Although I tried to ignore it I had to admit over the last few weeks I found myself falling into a deeper depression. I took another shot as Tanya kissed down my neck trying to start something. Again this would be something that normally would lift my spirits along with something else but tonight I wanted nothing to do with this or to do with her. Tanya and I were, for lack of a better label, fuck buddies but other than sexual release and liking to party we really had nothing in common. She didn't know me and honestly I really didn't know her. I will admit it was like that with most of my friends. No one ever compared to her and maybe that's because I never gave them a chance to.

Finally the heat and the crowd got to me. The space seemed too small despite the fact Mike practically lived in a mansion. There was a whooshing sound in my ears that began to rival with the loud music. I shrugged Tanya off me and stumbled through the crowd. Finally I made it to the front door, the cool night air helped clear my head a little but the thought of going back there was nauseating so I began to walk home.

The walk wasn't too bad. 20 minutes tops. I stumbled on the side of the road as I walked. I muttered to myself. I was just glad no cops saw me in my clearly drunken state. What was wrong with me? I was young, I had girls willing to be with me, I had friends, I was invited to parties; why was I so fucking miserable?

Finally I came up to my house. Using my phone as a light I unlocked the door. Alice and Emmett must have already gone to bed because the house was dark as fuck, not to mention it was well after 2am. I fumbled to my room, as I did so I managed to drop my cell phone and then kick it under my bed. "Fuck," I muttered getting on my hands and knees trying to fish it out. Before I found my phone though, my hands felt cardboard. I reached a little further, getting a good hold of it and slid out a box.

Maybe it was the alcohol and weed but I couldn't for the life of me remember why this box was under my bed. That is until I opened it up. My breath left me in a gasp. Inside the box was all things that were her's or related to her. I couldn't believe I forgot about it all. How did I forget about it? Two weeks after she was gone I had gone on a rampage in my room throwing all things that were her into a box that I proceeded to kick under my bed. The forgotten birthday gifts, both hers and mine, the sheet music to the song I had been writing for her, photos of us, my walkie talkie, gifts she had gotten me over the years,and her earring in a ziplock bag. It was all here.

I began to pull out all the stuff and spread it out on my floor. I ripped open the birthday paper from the Robert Frost book and found myself reading the poem. The stupid poem she loved so much. The one she knew by heart. I tugged on my hair with shaky hands. With the book still open I marked the page with the photo strip from that fateful summer. My eyes couldn't bare to stare at her face for too long. That last photo with her kissing my cheek and me staring at the camera wide eyed in shock. I swear I could feel her lips searing into my skin at this very moment. I hastily pushed everything far away from me, clearing a space on my floor. I felt claustrophobic again. Like all these things, these keepsakes of her where removing the air from the room.

I reached into the box one last time to find my hand on what felt like wood. I pulled out the knife. The secret birthday gift Emmett had given to me. The tool that marked the tree I could no longer bare to look at. I opened it up. Stared at the metal. The whooshing in my ears was so loud now and the room felt much too small. It was almost as though I blacked out and what pulled me back was pain shooting through my arms. I looked down blinking as I saw the blood. I dropped the knife which seemed to echo as it hit my hardwood floor.

I felt my head getting light and the pain only increased. I remember thinking that it was too much blood and knowing this could be it. I wasn't mad about that though. Maybe this was a long time coming. What I was mad about was that I broke my promise to her. After all these years I wasn't careful, and I did hurt myself with it.

I'm not sure if I decided to lay down or if I just couldn't stay sitting up anymore but I found myself staring at those damn glow in the dark stars. I stared at the Cassiopeia constellation we made.

"Edward," I heard a voice whisper. "What are you...oh god….Edward what did you do?" Alice's face was now blocking my view. "EMMETT...HELP!" That's when the world went dark.

 **End of chapter 2. Hope ya'll enjoyed and thanks for reading (following/faving/etc.) Thanks Arcade Android for being me spell checker and helping me work out all that coding shit in that last chapter.**

 **Write on,**

 **Spunkransom12**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hey guys I'm sorry it took me so long to update between the holidays, work, and being sick I've been super busy. Also It just took me a really long time to be confident enough with this chapter to post it. Also I just want to address something that a lot of ya'll have been questioning and that's about it Renee is/was beating Bella. With Bella's bruised cheek in the 1st chapter it was due to Renee slapping her when they got into a fight. Renee is a shit mother and did hit her but it was a one time thing not Bella being beaten by her mother. Sorry for that confusion.**

 **2012**

To say the last year and a half was hard was the understatement of the century. After the "Incident" I was put in a mental health rehabilitation facility. I was angry and at first I didn't want help. I was mad that they saved me. That now everyone wanted me to get better when I felt as though that was impossible, but I worked with my therapist, got medication, and began to work on my schooling. They even got me into music therapy which seemed to help as well.

When I got out I decided to continue with online schooling. I honestly didn't want to go back to public school. I realized the people I once thought were my friends weren't. They never even contacted me after that party. I mostly worked on getting my life back together. Emmett moved back to Arizona after that night finishing his education at Phoenix University.

My brother and sister were literally my life savers, but not just from that night. They supported me through everything after as well. Nan also became a huge part of my life since "the incident." She became one of the only adults besides my therapist that I felt comfortable talking with. She apologized to me when she came to visit me one day saying that she only wished she had noticed my distress sooner. She told me that before her grand-daughter had left that she promised Nan to keep an eye on me. We both admitted we had broken some promises over the years.

My alarm went off causing me to roll out of bed and thump on the floor. I groaned as I untangled myself from my sheets and turned off my alarm. It was the first day of summer vacation. The house was silent as I made my way to the kitchen. My dad was at work, my mom out on a girls day with some friends, Emmett had his own place with his girlfriend, Rose, and Alice already left earlier in the morning to the water park with her boyfriend, Jasper. I grabbed a muffin from the counter and made my way outside.

I walked out on my front porch with a muffin in my hand. I glanced at Nan's house. She had been out of town for three weeks and I had to admit I missed her a ton. I also couldn't help but worry about what was going on that had her away for so long. She had texted me yesterday saying she was on her way home but I noticed that her old truck was not in the driveway at the moment.

Just then something else caught my eye. A figure was slumped by the lemon tree. The person was facing the tree with their forehead leaning against the bark. Their one hand reaching up the trunk. Setting the muffin on the railing I slowly made my way over. The feminine figure wore baggy sweat pants and a frayed hoodie. On top of her head was a blue beanie hat. As I approached I noted that her body shook with sobs. I crouched down next to her. "Miss are you okay?" She didn't seem to acknowledge my voice. I very slowly tapped a single finger to her shoulder. She gasped and tried to scoot away from me. I raised my hands in a surrendering gesture. "It's okay," I tell her. "I'm not going to hurt you." She cocked her head to the side before bursting out in tears again. I slowly reached over and put my arm around her, this time she didn't flinch away from my touch. After a few moments she actually leaned into it. I took this as a good sign. I wasn't really sure what to do with her but I couldn't just leave her outside. I placed her arms around my neck and slowly lifted her up.

I was shocked by how light she was. How her bones seemed to jut out from under her skin. Her eyes were closed and her face was now buried in the crook of my neck. I could feel tears wetting my shirt. I walked her into the house and took her to my room. Placing her on my bed I tried to pull away so I could have her lay down but she refused to detach from me. So I sat there on my bed with a sobbing stranger in my arms. I spoke sweet words to her though she still didn't seem to hear them. Finally her sobs lessened and her breathing leveled out. Realizing she was asleep I slowly loosened her grasp on me and laid her down. After tucking her in I took a seat at my desk.

I didn't want to leave her, I worried if I did and she were to wake it may scare her to be in an unknown place. I picked up the Robert Frost poetry book that I quite often found solace in. But at the moment I couldn't focus on the words. I stuck the photo strip bookmark in place before turning my attention back to the girl in my bed.

She seemed to be around my age but was so small it made it a little hard to tell. She looked peaceful in her slumber. Her long eyelashes grazed her pale skin and light freckles dusted the bridge of her button nose. Her skin was free of acne blemishes but had other marks marring her flesh. Her left eye and cheek had a greenish yellow bruise. Her pouty lips had a healing cut. And with how her chin was tilted up I could see a pink puckered scar going across her throat along with some bruises. Bruises which suspiciously looked finger like. I was sure that more evidence of injury was on other parts of her body as well. She must have had short hair due to the fact none seemed to peak out from her hat. It pained me to see someone so hurt. She was like a fallen angel. Broken yet beautiful.

I was woken from my musing over her to banging on my front door. I raced out of my room to get the door before whoever it was woke the girl up. When I flung the front door open to find Nan looking frantic. "Edward have you by any chance seen...have you…"

"A girl?" I guessed. I was seriously confused now. What the hell was going on?

"Yes," she seemed to physically relax at my words.

"Please Nan come in. I'll make you some tea and we can talk." I was a little worried that she might collapse due to the stress. Nan was a tough woman but she was 75 years old. I had her sit at the table as I started the tea.

"She's okay," Nan asked.

"She's in my room asleep I found her by the lemon tree crying."

"I told her to stay in the house until I got home. I had to pick up some medication for her." Nan started explain. "She's so lost Edward. She's...she's trying to adjust to it all. I wasn't sure how I was going to tell you."

"Tell me what Nan?" I literally have no clue what she is talking about. Just then I hear soft footsteps enter the room. I turn to find the girl entering the kitchen.

"Love I told you to stay inside. Are you okay? How are you feeling?" Nan asked her softly. Now that she was standing I took notice to how small she was height wise. She stood only a little taller than Alice at maybe 5'4. She seemed to be very focused on Nan's lips. Then bringing her right hand to her chin and lowering it to her left hand which was palm up in front of her chest. Although I can't say I knew much about sign language nor did I know what the hand movements meant it was unmistakably that, sign language. It seemed as though it was a good response though because Nan smiled.

Then her attention turned to me. She circled around me a few times giving me a once over. It was strange how this small girl made me feel like I was prey to a feral animal. I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable by her eyes on me. My hand found its place in my hair and at this action her eyes went wide. She looked to Nan then back to me. Her eyes warm and getting a little watery. God I don't think I could bare to see her cry again. I was about to reach out to her but she flung herself into my arms. I let the warmth of her body along with the light smell of honeysuckle and freesia wash over me.

When she pulled away slightly I almost found myself about to whine. How was it possible to feel so close to a stranger. I looked down at her to find her cheeks tinted a light pink and her brown eyes filled with tears yet it wasn't the heartbreaking ones that I witnessed outside. They seemed to be joyful.

"Who are you," I spoke though it was clear she was deaf it seemed she could read lips. Her brow furrowed and she chewed on her lip as if she was thinking. Then she pulled away from me completely. I worried I offended her but she didn't seem mad, more sad.

She stood there for a moment before glancing at Nan who nodded encouragingly. She took a few deep breaths before clearing her throat. "I guess I do look pretty different," she started, her voice a little uncertain and she articulated the syllables. I realized this was because she couldn't hear her own voice. A sad smile formed on her lip before she continued. "Edward it's me...Bella."

My eyes went wide. My heart started to pound. The whooshing in my ears started. The room even spun a little. This had to be a dream. I've had dreams like this before. I shut my eyes trying to fight the panic attack that was bubbling up. I wanted so badly to cover my ears to try to shut off the whooshing but my hands seemed to be glued to my side, balled up in fists. I could hear very faintly Nan's voice calling my name but it was so hard to hear over the damn whooshing. I slowly felt myself sink to my knees.

I then felt a soft hand on my cheek. My eyes fluttered a little and between my lashes I saw her. She must have been kneeling as well since her face seemed to be at the same height as mine. "Edward don't leave me." She whispered. "Come back to me." Her words seemed to pull me back to reality. My head dropped a little causing my forehead to rest against hers. We sat like that for a while my green eyes stared into her warm brown ones.

The whistle to the teapot brought me back to reality. I slowly stood up taking Bella's hand into my own and helping her up as well. I pulled out a chair for her and had her sit. I realized how much my hands were shaking as I set a mug in front of Bella. She seemed to notice too. I let out a sigh, this wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. I fidgeted with the sleeves of my hoodie.

"Edward," Nan spoke giving me a worried look. "There is nothing wrong with taking them. I know you've been doing pretty good taking them less but if you need to then you need to." Again I sighed hoping Bella wasn't reading Nan's lips. I squeezed my eyes shut silently debating. I felt Bella's hand on mine and my eyes opened to find hers. She seemed to silently be asking if I was okay. I nodded slowly before walking to the medicine cabinet. I grabbed a pill and swallowed it with some water straight from the tap. I smiled at Bella before joining her and Nan at the table.

I laid in bed that night jittery as anything. I just couldn't settle down. As it turned out my parents were going to sit Alice, Emmett, and I down to inform us of the situation. But it seemed that fate wanted it all to happen much earlier in the day. We had a family dinner which included Bella and Nan. Although Bella was quiet she seemed to be at some level of ease being with us. We kept conversation light. Alice told us about her day at the water park with Jasper. Emmett told us about how him and Rose were thinking of getting a dog. It was nice but anyone could see we were clearly ignoring the elephant in the room which was what happened to Bella. I didn't want to push but her injuries clearly had me distressed. My best friend left years ago, a healthy soon to be 14 year old and came back an 18 year old deaf girl.

After dinner I walked Bella to the door with her Nan. I didn't want her to leave but I knew she was probably exhausted. She gave me a small smile before making a gesture with her hand. It took me a moment to realize she was mimicking holding a Walkie Talkie. She was silently asking if I still had mine. I nodded praying I had some batteries to put into it.

As I stared at the stars on my ceiling I thought about what my parents and I talked about after Bella and Nan left. They thought it would be good for me to see my therapist, Dr. Cope as soon as possible. My dad who personally knew Dr. Cope told me he would ask tomorrow when her next available appointment was. I knew Nan told them about my panic attack today. So I could understand why they were worried but I was also annoyed that they seemed to be worried that I would get worse due to Bella's appearance back in my life.

I sighed and looked at my clock. The neon numbers read 2:15am. Just then I heard static come over the walkie talkie that I thankfully found batteries for. "Cullen come in Cullen do you copy? Over." My heart skipped a beat when her voice came over the Walkie. How many times had a dreamed about this, hearing her voice over a damn kids toy. I was about to respond but then it dawned on me; she could talk to me over it but how was I supposed to communicate to her? I began to panic on how I could signal back to her. I get up out of bed and begin to pace. The static crackles again. "I can see you pacing, over." Just then I turn to my window to find her face looking through her own. I walk over to mine trying to get as close to her as possible, the walkie still in my hand. "Can I come over?" Her voice is such a quiet whisper I almost don't hear it. I just nod.

As I watch her open up her window and step out into the yard I just so happen to look down at my bare arms. I was wearing a tshirt and my scars showed. I didn't want her to see them. Honestly other then my family, my therapist, Nan, and my siblings significant others I rarely let people see them. I hastily threw a hoodie on.

Turning back to the window I see she has made it to the halfway point, the lemon tree. Her hand over the carved bark which was now slightly higher and less deep than all those years ago. It now dawns on me why I found her there this morning. I look her over in the moonlight just as I had done last time she snuck into my room. Her skin still looked pale but she still had the hat on so there wasn't that contrast of dark hair like I remembered. She wore yoga pants that hung loose on her frame and a t-shirt. Her bare arms looked so thin. Even from the distance of my window i could see bruises coloring her arms. I noticed earlier today that she walked with a ever so slight limp and I took note of it again now. Still she looked beautiful.

I opened my window letting her in with some help. Once she was in we just stood there staring at eachother. I didn't know what to do. Last time she was here it was the start to the end. Was this a second chance? A do over? I was so fucking happy she was here but I was also scared. Scared about her past, about my past, about our future, if we even had a future.

"Come back to me," she whispered. It's as though she knew, even before I did, that a panic attack was soon approaching.

"God I missed you," I speak slowly. When I had tea with her and Nan today I learned that she was pretty good at lip reading as long as you didn't talk too fast. She also knew a good deal of sign language which I was now determined to learn.

"I missed you too," she murmured her cheeks filled with blush.

"Is it...can I hug you?" I ask. I didn't want to just assume that I could touch her, clearly she had been hurt since the last time we saw each other and I worried about pushing her too far.

"Of course," she smiled. I closed the distance between her and I, wrapping my arms around her tiny frame. The top of her head only reached my chest. A sob escaped my mouth. My body shook. There was so much I still didn't know, so much she didn't know but right now I was so content to just have her in my arms.

When we finally looked up at one another we both had smiles on our faces and tears rolling down our cheeks. Laughs seemed to bubble up from our chests. For a moment I could push every fear and anxiety I had to the side because having her in my arms was like a breath of fresh air.

She tilted her head up and smiled at our stars. "You left them up." I put her hand on my cheek so she could feel me nod. "That's how I knew where I was when I woke up today. I was scared at first but I saw the stars." Her fingers traced my cheek affectionately. She looked back at me. "Is there anything else you kept?" A better question might have actually been what didn't I keep?

I pulled away and got down on my hands and knees pulling the box out from under the bed. She peered inside and smiled at the memories that lay before her. "Why are there gifts in here?" I pulled out a card that had never been opened. The envelope read, "Happy 14th Birthday Edward!" She turned to me wide eyed. "You're telling me you never opened your birthday gifts that year?"

My hand finds its way to my hair. "Only one, a phone. And my mom forced me to open that. Now close your eyes." She raised a brow at me but did as I told. I went to my desk and grabbed the book and grabbed the still wrapped dvd out of the box. I also grabbed the ziplock with the lone earring in it. I placed them in her hands and then put a hand on her cheek to let her know she could now look. Her eyes opened and felt the the gifts in her hand. She points to herself questioningly and I nod. I had placed the earring on top of dvd which then was placed on top of the opened up the baggie and let the earring fall into her lifted her hat so her left ear poked out and showed me the matching book. She then lifted the right side of her hat took out a simple metal stud and replaced it. She put the other earring in the now empty ziplock.

Then she moved on to the wrapped dvd. She frantically opened it and a huge smile spread to her face. "I still have never seen this." She tells me flipping the dvd over to look at the back before looking back up at me.

"Same," I admit. I never had the heart to watch it after she was gone.

"Movie night?" she smiled shyly and I nod with a smile of my own. I couldn't help but be glad she seemed to want to hang out again.

She then moved that aside and glanced curiously at the unwrapped book before looking back up at me. "I kinda opened that one awhile back sorry." She opened the front cover and I knew she was reading the little note my 14 year old self had written for her. I knew the note by heart. "Happy 14th Birthday! Can't wait to share another b-day with you. Stay Gold, Bella. -Edward"

Her fingers ran across the written imprint on the inside cover. She let her fingers leaf through the pages. Only coming to a fumble when she got to my bookmark. She pulled out the photo strip and her fingers grazed our faces of the last photo. "That night...that was such a great night," she looked wistful. "I was hoping that whole evening you would kiss me." My eyebrows shot up in shock. She giggles at my gaped mouth. "Don't look so shocked, Cullen. I mean you are a pretty likable guy." She hands me the photo strip. I stare down at us. We looked so young and carefree. Hell we looked like we didn't have a care in the goddamn world.

"Am I still a likeable guy?" I questioned more to myself then her.

"Repeat that?" She asks signing what I assume was what she just spoke. I noticed she did this a lot. As she talked she would sign on top of it. Clearly my head being down kept her from getting a good view of my lips.

I debated on repeating what I had said. I was kind of embarrassed by what I said let alone repeating it to her. Also I worried it would raise too many questions about my past, a past I'm not ready to talk about. "Nothing," I make sure to give her a smile. "Just talking to myself." She gives me a weary look but accepts my answer.

After a moment of silence she looks back into the box. Her hand grabs out my gifts and plops them on my lap. She then gets up and starts to make her way to the window and my heart drops. She opens the window and with a smile holds up a finger telling me to wait a minute. I sit, gifts in my lap as she climbs out.

After about ten minutes of waiting I start to worry. Just as I'm about to get up and look for her, her head popped up through my window. She puts her hand over her eyes telling me to close mine, which I do. I hear her climb back into my room and make her way over to me. She sets something in my lap. I open my eyes to find a birthday bag in my lap. So I guess I wasn't the only one holding out on gifts all these years. I open the card first the front of which shows a photo of a monkey in a party hat. I open it, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU PARTY ANIMAL! GO BANANAS!" I laugh at the silliness of the card before I notice the message Bella herself had written me. "Edward, Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy this gift and create something beautiful with it. Thanks for being my best friend! Love, Bella." I feel my heart skip a beat when I read the word love. I slowly reach into the bag removing the tissue paper and pull out a leather bound book.

The leather is a deep brown and although it is clearly sturdy it's soft to the touch. I then take notice to the embossed letters on its front. "Music and Lyrics of Edward A. Cullen" My eyes widen, I open the book to find pages upon pages of blank sheet music.

"I love it," I tell her. "Thank you so much."

"You always just had loose sheet music shoved in old notebooks so I thought this would be handy."

"Now more than ever." It's true it would have come handy when I was 14 but I'm almost glad I got it now. I've looked back at some of the stuff I wrote back as a kid and sure it was good but not worthy of this book. She looked at me questioningly. I could tell she was confused by what I had said. Getting up I made my way over to my bulletin board that hung above my desk and plucked a sheet of paper off of it.

Handing her the paper it only takes her a few seconds to realize what it is. "You got accepted into Juilliard?" Her voice raises in excitement and I have to put my finger to my lips letting her know to keep it down. She covers her mouth and blushes. Even behind her hand though I can still see the smile playing on her lips. I nod in response. "That's amazing!" I shrug. I guess it was amazing that after everything I managed to get my grades up and and create a good enough audition piece to get them to even notice me, let alone accept me, but I didn't really see the big deal. "It's a big deal." She stated as if she could read my mind or maybe I just give too much away in my expression. "I told you when we were kids that one day you were going to be a success."

I get a little antsy with all her attention on me. I fidget a little and my hand finds it's way into my hair. "I wouldn't say success." She gives me a look. "I mean I got into the school but my music and I haven't gotten any further than that." I tried to backtrack a little. Trying to explain it the best i could without giving away too much.

"Well maybe not yet but his is a huge step towards success. And an amazing one at that."

Again I can't help but shrug. I didn't like the lime light on me as a kid and I definitely didn't like it now. I was getting anxious and although I didn't want her to leave I also didn't want her to see me like this. Feeling so low. I can't even say why I felt like this especially because I was so happy to have Bella back. Maybe the emotional day was finally catching up to me. I stretched up about to fake a yawn which in turn became a real one.

Blush flooded her cheeks. "Gosh I'm sorry I didn't even realize how late it is." Bella whispers. I glance at my clock to find it was now 3:02. "I should really get back to Nan's." There's a sadness in the voice and I hate myself because I know I've caused it.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I tell her. Because as I know I will. I don't think I could go without seeing her now.

"Really?"

"Of course, you can't get rid of me that easy, Swan." I stand up holding my hand out for her to grab. Once again I am shocked by how light she is s I help her to her feet. We stand there for a moment, still hand in hand. It feels like an electrical current pulsing between us. I wonder if she can feel it too. When it gets too much I let go of our hands breaking the connection. Bending down I pick up her gifts and place them in her hands.

"Thanks again for my gifts." She smiles.

"No problem, thanks for mine. I really love it."

"I'm glad." There's pause. "Well...goodnight Edward."

I lean down and softly kiss the top of her head. " Goodnight Bella." And with that she exists my window.

 **That's Chapter 4! Hope ya'll enjoyed it! Thanks again to my friend and editor Arcade Android for all the help. Thanks for reading/following/reviewing/etc.**

 **Write on,**

 **Spunkransom12**


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